Feels like letting go

It’s 4am in the morning and I still can’t sleep… I just watched one of the saddest episodes on one tree hill… an episode about loss – about death and about how sometimes we just cant make any sense of it all…

I know how it feels to loose a friend… I remember exactly how I felt when I first got the call about the news…

It’s one and a half years ago and I still remember it vividly! It was early in the year, before his 20^th birthday… and I remember thinking that he was way too young to die cuz he wasn’t even 20 yet…

I remember thinking how unfair it was! I remember crying for the times I didn’t get to tell him about Jesus… I remember regretting not being a friend to him since I left for Australia… I remember wishing I could turn back time and probably change that…

I LOVED this episode cuz it’s so real!!! As much as I hate it – death is a very real thing! And someday – the people that I love and hold so dearly today are gonna die and move on to a better place. It’s gonna come suddenly and no matter how prepared I think I am – I don’t think I’m gonna be fully prepared for such a time like that… no matter how hard i try – I don’t think I ever will…

2 friends of mine lost their parents this year to cancer… and I have been honoured and privileged to walk tru that journey with one of them – to be able to be there for her while she heals – and I know how hard it is! And I know how sometimes there just is no answer for things like this! And I love how Haley puts this:

“You guys asked me what the point was to all of this, school, literature... Life. Well, I don't know… Because the truth is, not long ago, I sat where you are and wondered exactly the same things. When something that's tragic and evil and unexplainable happened like losing someone forever... I still wonder... just like you do.

When archaeologists uncover lost civilisations and they unearth their worlds that have long since been destroyed, you know what they find most often? They find stories ...... ancient languages, words, inscriptions from people who have been gone for thousand of years, because chances are, like you, they wanted to know, "Whats the point ?". And they wanted us to know that they were here, you know ? .......... like......... they told their stories, and they tried to make sense of their lives and their worlds and their tragedies. So that's what we are gonna do. So I want you to write something, anything at all, about Quentin Fields. If you knew him, write a favourite memory. If you didn't know him, write what you think the point is of all this... for yourself and your life and your time here. This is a literature class and that's what writers do. We put pen to paper in times of devastating tragedy. And we try and make sense of it. Maybe we will find some clarity in some of those words. Maybe we will find peace...”

But I have to say – my favourite quote of the day was NOT trying to make sense of death – of life – and of living… cuz we would NEVER be able to truly make sense of it – not unless we know our creator! For we are so small indeed – and life on earth is only a blink when compared to eternity…

Haley: Your strength is inspiring.

Denise: My strength is from Jesus Christ. I am going to miss my baby boy for the rest of this life but I know we are going to see him again and our faith will see us through.

And so... I pray that we stop trying to explain and make sense of it all – I pray in times of tragedy our strength can come from Jesus Christ! I pray that in turn, it will be inspiring – and I love love love how this AMAZINGLY powerful statement was declared on national tv for millions and millions of viewers… and I pray that our declaration of faith would impact so many lives – people trying to find answers for the loss of someone they love…

Well I pray too – that it's our firm faith in Jesus Christ that would see us through it ALL…
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Matthew Perryman Jones - Feels Like Letting Go

Oh my love
help me open my heart again
tear it open let the rain fall in
wash this hardness underneath my skin
oh my love
let me hear your voice come through
I wanna know the love inside of you
make this dark heart believe in what is true

Pre-chorus

I know that in the dark there's a fear of letting go
I know that in my heart that I fear what I don't know

Chorus
and this feels like I'm letting go
and this feels like I'm letting go
I'm letting go

it's hard to trust
when your hearts been broken times before
you pull the curtains and you lock the doors
swear you'll never go out anymore

Pre-chorus

Chorus
Bm
well I'm stepping out
I can't see there is no sound
a seeming void becomes a solid ground
I sight I lost becomes a faith I've found

chorus

I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
I'm letting go, I'm letting go
letting go, I'll let it go