纪念

ji nian - liu jia yue tuan

I don't think I have ever considered myself as an emo person...
But sometimes, I have to admit - I do withdraw from the world...

Yet...
I don't think I have ever let many people see that side of me...
Yet alone out here...

But this time, I thought I should take someone special's advice and let people in...
Just this time :)

I am human after all...

Yesterday was my dad's 52 birthday...
and it hit me today again - I don't have many days left here...

There would be many Birthdays I would miss...
There would be many Christmas's I would miss...
Many Chinese new years...
Many Sports Days...
Many Award ceremonies...
Many Sitiawan Trips...
Many Sundays...
Many swimming nights...
Many school holidays...

I would miss watching most of them growing up...
I would miss watching my parents and grandparents grow older...
I would miss alot of the laughter...
and alot of the dinner conversations...
I would miss alot of mothers' days and fathers' days...

*sigh*
I would miss so much!

When I made my decision to leave Malaysia 3 years ago... I really had no idea the extent of which I would miss... I didn't appreciate the warmth of my family... And I sure don't think I fully comprehended the abundance I have been so blessed with!

When I made that vow before God and before man to leave the familiarity and comfort of home of which I spent my entire life, and to built a new one in a land still foreign to me - It never crossed my mind how difficult it REALLY is - that is 'to leave and to cleave'...

I don't regret that decision...
For I have faith someday - we'll be together again...

But I am jealous!

Jealous of people who have their loved ones close to them and yet take their families for granted, not appreciating them...
Jealous of people who have the time to make amends and yet choose keep hate and wrong doings of families in their hearts...
Jealous of people who get to spend Birthdays and Christmas's with family and yet choose to spend their time elsewhere...
Jealous of people who get to have weekly family dinners and yet miss them - because they choose to hang out with friends instead...
Jealous of people who could have celebrated mothers' days and fathers' days with their parents and yet choose not to...
Jealous of people get to spend time with their siblings everyday - but don't treasure it...


... Jealous of the time they still have left to spend with family and yet not realise how precious and valuable it truly is...

that very limited TIME... which I don't have much left...