Broken

I LURVE this VIDEO!!!

Ok... it's one of those days where I am DEAD tired and YET don't feel like sleeping - Nor do I feel like doing anything! *ish* my finals are around the corner and yet - I CANT bring myself to start studying... I wonder if it's because it's my last semester and I feel like I'm ready to move on to the next phase or... maybe that's just an excuse - in other words, I'm just plain LAZY! I SERIOUSLY need to pass all my subjects this sem... IF NOT? I'd be in Sydney next sem again :( and that cannot be good...


So today I was thinking... U know how we cross paths with COUNTLESS people in our lives? and how on hindsight, i bet almost EVERYBODY would know at least ONE person (in this case, it may JUST be a random person) that have significantly said or done something that shaped the way u believed in urself or thought of urself - or maybe in more serious circumstances - made u the person u are today.

I am not talking about people WE KNOW for example our parents, partners, close friends... but about strangers... the person u meet across the street - for example in Israel Houghton's (this amazing christian singer) testimony - basically his whole life changed cuz this women was obedient to God and ministered to his mom (who was disowned by her family and abandoned by Israel's father) on streets of San Diego! I mean this was a stranger who changed not ONE person's life... but literally re-wrote history and hence Israel Houghton is where he is today - reaching MILLIONS of lives!!

I bet there are MANY other more amazing stories out there!!

But while thinking about this today, although I have MANY other - more fascinating stories... I don't know why THIS was recurring in my head the whole afternoon...

So I was this 13 year old awkward teenage girl at my FIRST ever FGA youth camp... and I guess most teenage girls would relate or remember how the 'older' boys always seem so much cooler (than they really are *haha*) at that age and I hate to admit this but I had a crush on one of these older 'not so Godly' boys (this is so embarrassing confessing it out to the world the first time).

In FGA camps, the culture is that we get autographs from people at the very last day of the 5 day camp - so basically u'd always see the more 'attractive older boys' getting like HEAPS (let me stress -> TWEEN) girls lining up trying to get the guy's signature... (now looking back, I REALLY don't know why i use to be one of those girls~~!!)

so ya! for the first time, I build enough courage to go up to this guy and ask for an autograph (let me remind u again that I was 13 years old!!!) and this is what he wrote:

'Dear shyuan-shyuan, you have a great smile'

Well, he ended up going out with one of my friends.
But somehow that statement played a BIG role in shaping my thoughts of myself and what I believed myself to be. See, I went through a LONG LONG 'metamorphosis' process (as I like to call it) and cuz of that phase in my life - it somewhat affected the way I thought of myself - and don't get me wrong, I have NEVER thought that was a bad thing! I still thank God till today that I went through those awkward years cuz I do think I am a better person because of that - FOR looks are only temporary right? And ultimately it is the HEART that counts. And more than that - I have learned to place my security in Christ alone... and I guess... that was the MOST valuable thing I have learned in my teenage years...

But somehow I held on to that statement till today... and YES there are days like today where I would give anything to have BIG Bambie brown EYES... But then I am reminded of that autograph from a stranger who had NO CLUE who I was (but for my chinese name cuz he requested for it) and I guess, come to think of it... If my smile could brighten up a stranger's day, or maybe change and shape the way a little girl thinks of herself for the rest of her life - then MAYBE, just maybe I wouldn't trade it for the WORLD...

Lifehouse
Broken lyrics

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home